Virgin Kisses: Gloria Nagy
Virgin Kisses
My name is Dr. Arthur Freedman. Psychiatrist and killer. I make fifty-thousand dollars in a good year (more in a bad one). I drive a Mercedes-Benz sedan. Have a lovely home. Lovely wife, son same. I am almost brilliant. Witty. Charming. Immaculately tailored. Esteemed by my peers. Well read. Civilized, and have a raised social conscience. I play tennis, chess and backgammon and am a good party guest and excellent host. I am respected for my sanity, calm, coot and control.
I am also a snob, a prick and a phony, cuntsniffing asshole. A hypocrite, a sadist; a cold, self-absorbed schmuck. Tense, anxious, alienated, drowning, unfulfilled, weak, pretentious, smug, half-latent fairy boy. A liar, a bad doctor-and now, a murderer. I am, in sum, the American wet dream.
You (whoever you will be-I haven’t decided yet) who are listening to this tape may be disturbed by the above statement. You may be wondering why I would admit such transgressions of character-not to mention a hanging offense-when it is not necessary. Well, fuck you and your wondering. Because I don’t vet know why. It may in the end turn out to be a pure matter of ego. For 1, I have fulfilled the Mind Men’s dream. I have murdered a patient without ever touching her. I have killed her with skill. I have used what I know about infantile, regressive, manipulative, sociopathic paranoia-and the sham of medical science. I have probed, pushed and played with the fleshy body and feeble kind of the most meaningless human being I have ever encountered (an honor very hard for a psychiatrist to bestow on a single soul), and 1. have let her die and never told my secrets. I have not yet told you-you too will have to wait. I will tell all, fifty minutes at a time, for as long as I choose. And then you will know… and I will know. And then I will decide what to do with this unwinding: burn it, bury it for the Bellevue archives, turn itover to the APA (ha)or- well, we will see. And now I must stop. A patient is waiting to be misled.
